March 2013
2 posts
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With worry eating at the edges of a weakened heart
There are a gazillion things I want to do, and contribute with (hello Femslash Friday why flicker by so quickly all the time, what do with my femslashy fic recs now), but. But.
So my grandmother who is still alive turned ninety yesterday, and collapsed at the reception and then there was an ambulance and medics and now she is at the hospital. They admitted her right away, because it was...
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February 2013
3 posts
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How a mind races, how a heart can still count...
During the night that brought me to yesterday I cried myself to the world of dreams, and while under the white dust from green capsules sleep someone whispered cruel fairy tales in my ear; one of a cruel woman in a Lucia crown who did evil onto others driven by nothing more petty than misplaced jealousy and of the tower she trapped people in for meaningless vengeance, and of a fragile human soul...
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The only thing life ever promised anyone; an...
[[MORE]]There were many things I had lined up and others I planned to do, but what happened is this; another relative died. So I have been silent a lot, and sort of stand off-ish, and I feel terrible, but I simply do not know how to function properly right now, so I try and just… push things away, I think. If I think, I break down and cry.
My great uncle, who has been a huge support to our...
January 2013
13 posts
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Okay, I have a plan regarding these horrible...
xanthera:
Is there some sort of boycott idea in the works yet? I haven’t found one yet, so in case there isn’t, I’m starting one myself. I’m actively seeking reblogs here. I want to do something about this.
On January 31st, I am going to begin a full boycott of tumblr in protest. Not only will I not access the site for 48 hours, I will uninstall the app on my Droid, and I will be actively...
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The frustration of not being listened to
Since the inability to properly load the expanding pop-up windows with slower internet connections is kind of a huge deal, I contacted tumblr support to notify them of the problem. I told them I have tried with the latest version of three separate browsers, on two different computers (remember old Binky who froze a lot? I dug him out to test! Result: exact same issue, only with much more crashing...
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I never thought I would say this to anyone ever
anonymouscatastrophe:
iapetusneume:
combination-nc:
So I crawl out of my blanket fort of mourning to actually do things and post some long-overdue fics only to discover I have been forced into tumblr’s latest terrible beta.
There really is no way I can keep using a site like this; the way it breaks saviour makes it impossible for me to go on the dash at all due to me having triggers that...
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stormdragon said: I was told that xkit’s blacklist works on the update. I’ve been using xkit and it’s not so bad.
I have it installed, but this update has broken it for me. Saviour, xkit, missing e are all out in varying degrees. I also have the additional problem of having a very unstable internet connection, and the pop-up expanding flash window thing is terrible on it. I should have started...
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I never thought I would say this to anyone ever
So I crawl out of my blanket fort of mourning to actually do things and post some long-overdue fics only to discover I have been forced into tumblr’s latest terrible beta.
There really is no way I can keep using a site like this; the way it breaks saviour makes it impossible for me to go on the dash at all due to me having triggers that can set me off so badly it traps me in flashbacks. The...
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How a morning might open up into day
Combo’s sister: What the… where did all this snow come from!? Combo: I was sad, and then it started to snow. Combo’s sister: Why does the weather always favour you? …Shit, you are actually a snow fairy.
To my great delight, some mornings are glittering and white, but my sister has a cold allergy so she is less amused. I feel bad about feeling happy for snow when the cold...
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Folding Time - A Particularly Belated Secret Santa...
ser-secret-santa-of-redcliffe:
She’s never been one for oneiromancy, but it’s a comforting thought that Thora’s subconscious believes they’re on the right track. She moves her knight to 1700b on the upper sphere of the board, and after just a moment’s hesitation, she looks to Not-Niall and says,
“You know, I think things are going quite well, don’t you?”
Read More
I have re-read this...
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This day quickly went in an unexpected direction
I am visiting my family as the funeral is drawing closer and we have a lot to do (and the sorting out of grandma’s things is quickly escalating into nightmare status), and so, I have been having breakfast in company of other people. It is… different. Things like this happen:
Mom: So what is a black book, anyway? Sister: …You have to take care of this one, there is no way I can...
December 2012
37 posts
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As long as hope lingers, so do I
The new year is approaching so, so quickly; this is the last flickering breath of December, and I do not feel ready. I never do and I never am, not for the moment when one year eases into another. I always feel I did not do enough, even when I have done more than ever, and I must do these things before the clock strikes for midnight even though it should not matter when as long as it gets done....
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Wish me luck?
combination-nc:
I want the DrinkSavy campaign to reach its goal so much that I am going to call my father* to ask him to contribute.
Wish me luck in this endeavour, dear tumblrs!
*to put it mildly, things are somewhat strained between us.
I am so, so happy the campaign reached its goal - and exceeded it! My father even said yes (although I will hesitate to believe him until he hands my...
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~*~PARTY IN THE MISTS~*~
svenharel:
FRACTALS OF THE MISTS TUMBLR PARTY WOOOO! Let’s meet up in Lion’s Arch at approximately:
Me - December 30th @ 9PM
Maki - December 31st @ 9AM
Combo - December 31st @ 3AM :’Da
Reg - December 30th @ 8PM
Des - December 30th @ 6PM
It will be AWESOME.
Unless we all die pathetically because it’s our first try.
I have learnt to actually aim my healing spells now (and also on...
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Wish me luck?
I want the DrinkSavy campaign to reach its goal so much that I am going to call my father* to ask him to contribute.
Wish me luck in this endeavour, dear tumblrs!
*to put it mildly, things are somewhat strained between us.
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I have to tell you a secret, tumblr. I have been trying to keep it inside, but I just cannot do it any longer, not with seeing all the festive icons people are donning, not with holiday celebrations all around me!
Despite loving the season, I have seemingly not changed my icon to something seasonal. Why is that, you might wonder! That is because I have, in fact, had a Christmas icon all year...
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The only thing loss brings is a loss of words
Thank you so, so much, for all the support and soul hugs and just, everything. I have been trying to collect myself, but I am not quite sure of how to do it. I really do try my best, though. It is just, difficult, right now.
My heart is not working quite right. Usually, I am always so filled with feelings of many different kinds and I think so much about all sorts of things, but ever since...
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December 15th: J could be for jumping
After having been deprived of the movements and sounds of everyday life for so long the crowded hall soon becomes too much for Anders; to be hit with everything he has been without all at once is overwhelming, and he keeps his hands clamped over his ears as Karl leads him away, careful not to touch where it seems to hurt the most. He is still uneasy under his hand as if even a gentle touch like...
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In mourning
We could not get to her in time; she died the night before. So I feel numb, and shaky, and I am not really sure how to deal with everything. If I think about it, all I do is cry, but closing off everything is not good either.
So I will be in my blanket fort for a while, I think. I am trying to make things work out somehow, but I just… mourning takes a lot, I suppose. Thank you, for all the...
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December 14th: A is for that anything and air
They do not meet each other again until two templars unceremoniously drops Anders off at the great hall one noon far too long after the rumoured escape attempt; to Karl it does not feel quite as long as it has been, the letters having left an impression of conversation behind, but he has still counted the days up to a cruelly high number.
Anders seems almost unaware his time in solitary is over;...
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Mourning the living, to prepare for the worst
It is a thought I have kept near constantly in mind since one of my grandmothers started going more and more senile; this is like mourning the living. I went from talking to her each evening on the phone to her suddenly having forgotten who I was most days. And it hurt, to all of a sudden have her be like a new person. And she did not just forget me, but my mom, as well. And she would forget about...
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December 13th: U are unearthed thoughts to keep...
The moment before I lift the quill I always find myself at a bewildering loss for words, so uncertain of which ones to put down. Not because I do not have anything to say; it is in fact quite the opposite. There are many things I would like to tell you, but my thoughts have been rather jumbled together as of late and difficult to sort out. Yet I shall endeavour to coax some of them out of the knot...
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December 12th: L has always been for letters
How strange it feels to put quill to paper with the intent to pen a letter; it is not something I have done since my ill-advised attempt to re-establish contact with my family so long ago. I never arranged for it to be sent, and there are times when I wonder if I should have. I suppose I feared not receiving a reply far too much to put myself at risk of having nothing but their silence, and the...
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December 11th: B is about breaking what should be...
Karl delays his journey down the tower long enough to be able to pass the serving girl on the way as she makes her way back up, and it is not until after she smiles and nods at him in a silent all clear that he realises he has been holding his breath.
This is not a small rule to break, and unlike sneaking into a storeroom to misuse it for a tryst, not one that will be seen as relatively harmless...
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At least I learnt something, maybe
Okay, so, my internet, phone and TV line is all delivered by the same company, and when one goes down, they generally all do, in varying degrees of intensity. The internet connection is generally buggy as hell, but at least it is aware of its own existence unlike the phone which has hardly been working for months. TV reception is almost as bad (which is super bad news because snooker season aah...
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December 10th: P is a plan to pull off
The stone floor is much colder in the evenings, making it uncomfortable to get around in thin indoor shoes; a subtle discouragement for walking around instead of immersing oneself in a more proper past time like studying. As late as a month ago he would not have been thinking about how much colder it must be deeper down in the tower, but now he does as his right arm stretches out to let his hand...
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Last week has left me so tired, not so much due to lack of sleep (I have been too agitated to settle down) but things going wrong over and over and over. [[MORE]]
First, it turned out I had accidentally paid a $150 bill to the wrong company. Whoops. Stellar adult living. I will get my money back eventually (check in the mail was missing oh god), but it was a stressful journey.
Then, when I...
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December 9th: G is the grasp in which they have...
When the change does come, it is because it is forced. Anders has been skittish and wild-eyed for days before he is dragged kicking and screaming through to tower with a templar at each side and one behind, just out of kicking range. It brings the memory of their first meeting to mind, but it is somehow more heartbreaking this time even though he is older, because despite his greater age there is...
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The effortless poetry of nature
The morning sky is all gold and red chasing off the night’s grey but the moon is still up, and it looks so odd to have both something so clearly night together with the beginning of its opposite all at the same time, but it is breathtakingly beautiful and leaves me in awe of the colours of nature.
There is a layer of snow almost half a metre deep and it makes me want to dance, forever, arms...
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December 8th: F was your faith
For all the Chant of Light names his magic a gift from the Maker, there are few places where he feels as cast off as he does in the Chantry. There is something about the statue of Andraste locked up with the rest of them that somehow makes the room feel smaller, and when he looks up at her eyes he somehow understand Anders’ hatred of enclosed spaces better.
She looks sad, and almost disappointed,...
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December 7th: D is your doubts and how they drain...
The person he has become. What an odd thought it is, to have as a mage. People outside might get to lead their lives in a way as to build them up to a point where they can look back on it all and think of what kind of person they have ended up as, but a mage will not because a mage is not truly a person. A mage is a Fadewhisper away from turning into a nightmare ripped from the very Void, a danger...
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December 6th: H is the help you might need as well
If the opportunity to break free ever presented itself, Karl wonders if he would dare take it. He knows he could not go about it like Anders, who pounces on every last chance to get away and then makes the rest up as he goes along; he would need to plan ahead, and to be completely honest the thought of planning an escape frightens him because there is so much more to it than aimless running. If he...
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Anonymous asked: Hello there! This is your assigned elf from the Dragon Age Secret Santa. This elf has a number of potential ideas as to what they might make, and was wondering if you had any particular headcanons about the chess set that Greagoir and Irving use.
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pollencount:
So there was this voice meme a...
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December 5th: T is the thoughts you cannot leave...
A too large part of him wishes he could care about nothing else than to curl up around Anders and breathe hot air at the nape of his neck; when Anders does it to him, it reminds Karl of summer winds over fell fields. He is likely never to breathe those in again, but pretending to be able to breathe them out makes him smile at the memories and his own nostalgic self-indulgence. Some nights when he...
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December 4th: M should be about moments to make...
The thought of what he might be denying himself lingers as he and Anders step away from each other, the library too open a place for such gestures of affection. There are mages who risk all of what little they have in the name of some senseless devotion, and while Karl certainly is not one of them there is still this something present to tug at his insides when it comes to Anders; a something that...
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