Face your daylight horrors!

This day did not bring me down (and yes, your good thoughts and wishes held me up, and I thank you!). Fears have been faced, projects worked on, pain fought back as well as I could. Things got done. I think, I did well, considering the circumstances.

Night are a different matter altogether. Especially rainy ones, rain when there should be snow, rain washing all the beauty away. I want to find earplugs, to filter out the dreaded sound, I need to find brighter lights to pretend the time is a different one, I need to fill the night with something, something that it lacks, something that it always does and perhaps always will. It is not the lack of light, the night is so much more than its lack of light (some night never get dark, and the feeling is still the same).

There is the sense that I have not done enough, and never will, that I will never have the time or the ability for all the things I should do. There is the feeling that I need to leave, to go away, somewhere but I do not know where. There is something very hopeless about so many nights, and one thing that always brings me down is winter rain. I cannot stare it down; it stares me down.