Face your daylight horrors!

Not the best day and not the best night for me, but I hope that everyone will be able to sleep well.

My grandmother would not talk with me today, because she did not remember who I was. She thought that my mother and her had the same father, and she wondered when he would come to pick her up. Then she wondered where her husband was, and my mother had to tell her yet again that he died, that is why she is living alone now, and that her father cannot come pick her up because he has been dead for over fifty years, and she is her daughter, and.. it just breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that she has to hear about their deaths over and over again, and it breaks my heart that she no longer remembers me. One some days she does, but not on this one, and the ones where she no longer knows me is getting more and more frequent.

I have been trying to not think about it, for so very very long, but it will not get better, she will not be like she used to be, and she will keep forgetting, and the bad days will be more and more, and perhaps one day, she will not be able to remember again. She is forgetting me. I cannot stop crying, because I love her and she is disappearing and today she did no longer know me.

How do I face this kind of horror? This is not something I can stare down; this is something that I can only mourn.