Face your daylight horrors!

defira85:

Tumblr, there’s been a lot of people struggling lately, including my beloved Serindrana, and there’s so much I wish I could do for all of you. I understand that at the end of the day, to a lot of you, I’m only just words on a screen, and sometimes you need more than that to make it through. 

I want to talk about that something else. 

There’s a certain stigma that surrounds mental health, and no matter how comfortable we are about ourselves, there’s always days when it’s a little too much. When we do feel shame, or isolated, or invisible, or burdening, and we don’t know who to turn to or what to do, because we’re told so often that mental health issues are something to be ashamed of. This message comes from our families, our friends, from the media we are exposed to, from everywhere in society- we are conditioned to accept that it is not a natural thing to be depressed, or anxious, or socially awkward. 

Tumblr, that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Imagine you take a tumble and break your leg. You never question the steps you need to take- you get to the doctor, or the emergency room. You get your leg checked out by doctors and nurses. You see a radiologist, get x-rays taken. You see a surgeon if the break is bad enough. You see a physiotherapist to help the muscles heal correctly. You get a brace, or a cast, or crutches, or painkillers.

And you never question that. You never question that these options are available to you, and that you should do everything to make sure you heal correctly. 

Our brains are just like any other part of our body- they break sometimes. Sometimes we take a tumble mentally, and you can’t get back up without help. But you know what? We’re told over and over and over again that we should get back up, that we should limp onwards no matter how much pain we’re in, that we shouldn’t make a big deal of it. 

And that’s so harmful, and so very very wrong. We have so many options available to us, from psychologists to psychiatrists, to group therapy, to mood therapists, to antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication. We have cognitive behavioural therapy, we have meditation, we have exercise, we have music therapy, we have art therapy, we have psychotherapy, we have online support groups, we have our normal GPs- the point is, we have just as many options for our brains as we do for any other part of our body. 

Not everybody needs surgery when they break their leg- by the same token, not everybody needs medication when they’re depressed. But some people do need surgery, and some people do need medication. There’s nothing shameful or inherently wrong with either, and yet it is an awkward thing to have to admit to being medicated for depression. 

I’ll be completely honest about my background, to give you an idea of why I’m talking about this so candidly- I come from a conservative Christian background, with a history of mental illness in my family. My sister and my father are both near unbearable to live with, and are constantly medicated for serotonin depletion, aggression, and depression. My sister struggles with substance abuse and has attempted suicide twice. My youngest brother was diagnosed with depression at fifteen, and I was diagnosed at eighteen. Despite all that, we never discuss mental health in my family, or through my parent’s church. Growing up I never knew that I had options outside of crying myself to sleep, because our GP was a friend of our parents, and attended the same church. I didn’t want to ask him for help, because I was worried my parents would sweep it under the rug- so I hid it myself. And that’s the worst thing I could have done for myself.

Aside from depression I also suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder, OCD, agoraphobia and aphephobia (fear of being touched). Sometimes I have to call in sick to work, because I cannot physically make myself leave the house. I have been (and still am) medicated for depression, for anxiety; I have a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a couples counsellor for myself and my husband, and above all else I talk constantly.

I’ve come a long way in a short number of years, and I know I don’t even have it that hard- I’ve never struggled with substance abuse, I’ve never considered suicide, I don’t struggle with nearly half the demons my sister struggles with. But that doesn’t invalidate the fact that I am struggling. To use the broken leg analogy again, maybe I’ve just fractured it, whereas she’s got bone cutting through the skin. We both need help. The difference is that I’m getting help, whereas she cannot get out of that mindset of it being shameful, or it being disgusting, and so she’ll medicate properly for a little while, and see a therapist once or twice and then relapse.

The point of me saying all this is that I don’t want you to think I’m talking out my ass about this stuff- I know what it’s like to struggle, I know what it’s like to feel like no one is listening, to think that seeking help is embarrassing, or shameful, or it makes you weak.

Getting help doesn’t make you weak.

TL;DR Guys, seeking help for yourself when you’re struggling mentally is the most important thing you will ever do for yourself. I cannot ever stress that enough. And if you feel like you don’t have the support you need at home, my ask box is ALWAYS open, anon or not. I will always, always listen, and I will always do my best to help.

Because you are all magnificent human beings: bright and wonderful souls that have made such a glorious impact on my life. No one deserves to feel ashamed of needing help. If you need help, Tumblr, just ask. 

Please listen to this wonderful, strong, brave and wise person.

There really, really is nothing to be ashamed of, and you are not weak.